Best not to say anything at all
EYEWITNESS
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By Annamari Sipilä in London
The British are at their most endearing when they resemble Finns.
They are especially loveable when the discussion turns to small talk – that is, when they talk about it, rather than engaging in it.
The British feel that they are not at all skilled in this art of small-scale conversation.
They chide themselves how clumsy their small talk is. "We don’t know how to behave as Europeans should", they complain.
Finns find this quite amusing.
Naturally there is no point in trying to rectify the critical view that the British hold of themselves; feelings of inferiority held by great nations should always be encouraged - preferably strengthened.
The concern of the British over the standard of their small talk is even greater than the Finns’ worries about the same thing.
One indication of this is in the numerous instructions over when it is not necessary to indulge in small talk.
These excuses are listed by various gurus of etiquette. The most recent set of instructions is in the November issue of the British edition of the magazine Good Housekeeping, Britain’s most popular women’s magazine.
The article on etiquette for modern women guarantees that more British women than ever before now know the good reasons that exist to shut up.
So when is it not necessary to engage in small talk?
Certainly never with a boss.
Talking about the weather with a superior at work is not wise, because that gives an impression of not being quite smart. If an employee has potential, he or she will only talk about things that matter.
Women should avoid small talk with men, at least in lifts (elevators), and other enclosed spaces. It can be seen as an invitation for a pickup attempt.
And there is no point in women engaging in small talk with other women because the other woman would consider the small-talker as somewhat strange.
When these instructions are interpreted with certain applications, the logical conclusion is that there is no need to engage in small talk with anyone at all.
The boss category can be seen to include colleagues, customers, and other linked groups. At work, straight talk is good enough.
Talking to men or women whom one does not know can be extended to all situations and locations - that is, to all men and women.
After all, men always interpret small talk in terms of their own interests. Women, for their part, respect their own peace.
From the Finnish point of view it is interesting that Good Housekeeping gives special instructions concerning small talk for public swimming pools and other places of bathing.
According to the article, one should never talk to anyone while that person is disrobed. It is better to wait until the other person is clothed.
Therefore, the British could solve their small talk problems at one go: by getting naked.
Too bad that nudity is an even bigger British hangup than talking to people.
Helsingin Sanomat First published in print 22.10.2004
Eyewitness is a series in which Helsingin Sanomat correspondents abroad write about their experiences in the country where they are stationed.
ANNAMARI SIPILÄ / Helsingin Sanomat
annamari.sipila@hs.fi
