An adopted person is different every day

The experiences of Bangladeshi-born Anu Mylläri reveal the racist undertones of a small country

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By Leena Virtanen
     
      Her speech is Finnish and she has a Finnish name, but her skin is dark. It is a combination that causes confusion in surprisingly many Finns.
      Anu Rohima Mylläri was born in Bangladesh in 1978, and she was adopted by a Southern Ostrobothnian farmer family at the age of two. She is a decidedly Finnish young woman, but she is constantly reminded about her appearance.
      "I have to account for the contradiction between my nationality and my skin colour almost every day", she writes in her autobiography.
      People like Mylläri are said to have a coconut identity: white on the inside and dark on the surface. Similarly, for example the Chinese can consider themselves bananas.
     
International adoption has become more commonplace in Finland only in the past ten years, so Mylläri is a first-generation adoptee. Her book is a mind-opener in Finland, and is certain to receive follow-ups of one kind or another, as soon as more foreign-born adoptees grow up.
      Everyone has his or her own story. Mylläri's story is a sad one; she lost her mother when she was only eight, and ten years later, at the verge of adulthood, her father as well.
      On the one hand, Mylläri's book tells about an exceptional life, survival, which includes being adopted, but it is also a report on the cold racism in a small country.
     
It is obvious that racism also touches people who have been adopted. Their situation is in no way different just because they are "our children". The racism-related experiences of adopted people prove clearly, that racism is often based solely on appearance - visual differences.
      Racism researcher Anna Rastas from the University of Tampere has asked children and young people about their experiences with "racialising glances" (e.g. Nuorisotutkimus magazine 3/2002). Those interviewed also include people who have been adopted.
      "It is no surprise that my study shows that one's appearance is the prime factor in labelling someone as different", Rastas writes.
      Her main question is: "Which things or circumstances label certain people as visibly different?" Often the answer is a person's skin colour.
     
Anu Mylläri's experiences with racism range from slightly amusing occurrences to serious threats of violence. It is already somewhat comical that she is occasionally called a negro.
      Mylläri has learned to deal with many situations with humour already when she was in school, and she may even joke around about the confusion she has caused. Her distinct South Ostrobotnian dialect often baffles people.
      Humour no longer helps when a salesperson at an airport shop refuses to speak Finnish even though Mylläri has revealed her native language.
     
Job interviews have driven Mylläri to the brink of rage. The colour of her skin is not an issue on the phone, and sometimes the entire interview has been spent on her clarifying her origin, with no job as a result. She gives an example of such a clothes store chain, which would appear to belong to Benetton.
      It is also common for women of colour to be considered sex objects, and this is familiar to Mylläri as well. Anna Rastas has spoken about the role of women of Asian and African origin as sex objects.
     
The most serious racist incident happened to Mylläri in the staircase of her own house, when some bald men followed her into the stairway. She was able to get inside her apartment, and the situation quieted down – there was, after all, a Finnish name on the door.
      This was followed by a strange incident with the police. According to Mylläri's description, the attitude of the officers changed significantly when they learned about her background.
      "I was a Finn, after all, and they began treating me more humanely after they learned that fact."
      Both Mylläri's book and Rastas' interviews describe how young people become sensitive to other people's gazes. According to Rastas, they learn to interpret them already at an early age, when gazes are often followed by questions, such as "Where are you from?" or "How come you speak such good Finnish?"
     
According to Rastas, young people are grateful for gazes that also express acceptance. Most of the people she interviewed mentioned the friendly gazes, but mostly they are described as rude, offensive, even hostile, or at least curious.
      The word shame is frequently repeated in Mylläri's book. It would appear to have been the dominating emotion of her life. It is not only linked to her appearance, but also the death of her mother, which set her apart from other children in a whole new way.
     
Today Mylläri is is over the worst, but there are still overtones of therapy in her book.
      The publisher has done the author and her experiences a disservice by neglecting the editing of the text. Internal conflicts have been left in the book, and some parts look like nobody ever read it before it was published. It is strange that the publishing of this book was so hurried.
      However, Mylläri raises important issues, also regarding adoption, since families with adopted children suffer from various taboos. One of these is the difficulty in bonding between mother and child. It is very common that an adopted child first bonds only with one parent, and for some reason it is often the father. This is what happened to the Mylläris.
      Mylläri stresses that an adopted child should always be given time.
     
Helsingin Sanomat / First published in print 28.3.2006

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LEENA VIRTANEN / Helsingin Sanomat
leenavirtan@gmail.com