COMMENTARY: Lining up at the health centre for a vaccination jab - perkele!

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By Kimmo Oksanen
     
      Bondsbacka, Jokela, Heteläinen, Aminoff and Silvonen, Juuri...
      The health centre nurses call people in by name at a Helsinki health centre (the names themselves have been made up for this article). The line for swine flu vaccinations gradually disperses at the front end and new faces appear at the back of the line.
     
"It won't be worth your while showing up at noon", I had been informed over the phone this morning.
      I followed the advice and arrived in good time.
      Two lines snaked towards the desk where one was supposed to report for the jab. One line was long, and the other quite short.
      At the head of the short line was a sign in Swedish explaining that service would be given in Swedish.
      There was no sign at the head of the long line.
      I took up a place in the longer line.
     
It did not take very long before the first grunts of disapproval were heard from behind me.
      "So why are services always fixed up better for the Swedish-speakers than they are for us Finnish-speakers, then?" said a less-than-pleased male voice.
      "It's because they are rich and we are as poor as church mice", answered another.
      "Damn right."
      Damn right.
     
When the second of the two Swedish-speakers (yes, it was a short line) had got his business dealt with, the counter was empty.
      The receptionist called out: "Who's next then?"
      In Finnish.
      This was probably not a good move. The entire Finnish line wanted to move over to the Swedish-speakers' queue as one.
      Somebody expressed their frustration: "Hmph. So why doesn't it say that you can also get service in Finnish here? I've been hanging about in this line forever."
     
Another used the brief window of opportunity offered by the confusion and managed to jump a couple of places in the line.
      She was roundly condemned: "Ah. So some of us think we are more important than others, eh!"
      The important lady's neck was made of stone and she gazed steadfastly forward at the back of the person in front.
      "Is this the Swedish-speakers' queue?" A new vaccination customer had arrived in the reception area.
      Heads turned angrily. "No! It bloody well isn't!" one person shouted at the poor unfortunate.
     
One man walked up to the reception window.
      "Have you even got enough doctors here for this?" he asked as his opening salvo.
      He announced that he had shown up the previous day, but had found there was a long line then, too.
      The man was told that the vaccinations would be given by nurses and that there were four of them doing the job.
      "I see. Four. Well, I don't know...". His eyes slowly scanned the waiting room.
      "Are all these people really waiting for flu vaccinations? Oh, alright then", the man eventually caved in.
      Mr. Lofty agreed to receive the service he had come to get.
     
"Heimelin, Mäkinen, Pugin... Pugin? Pugin! Mrs. Pugin!"
      No answer. Dozens of heads turned and stared but Mrs. Pugin was nowhere to be seen. The nurse went back into her room.
      "You'd think she'd be here when she's called if she's bothered to show up in the first place", said one grumbling voice.
      Before long an embarrassed lady walks into the waiting area. "Did they shout Pugin?" she asks.
      "Yes! It's in Room 10 over there!" comes the brusque reply.
      Mrs. Pugin knocks gently on the door to Room 10. When there is no immediate response from inside, someone shouts out: "Perkele! Press the frigging button already, will you!"
      The door opens, and Mrs. Pugin slips inside to get her shot.
     
It occurs to me that if this is how edgy things are in the morning, what the hell is this place going to be like by noon?
      Will we be having bodies stacked up in the health centre?
      "Perkele! You f***ing bastard f***wits. Saatana, don't you sodding care that I'm in a f***ing hurry here!"
      The normal garden-variety multiple substance abuser has been banging on the door of a doctor's consulting room down the corridor for the best part of forty-five minutes.
      Funny, but today he really doesn't stand out much from the crowd.
     
     
Helsingin Sanomat / First published in print 9.11.2009
     
     
Note: For the uninitiated, both "perkele" and "saatana" are standard-issue Finnish expletives. They have a religious (satan) rather than a sexual connotation, and in particular the first is reinforced with much rolling of the R-sound. They can both be highly effective social weapons.


Previously in HS International Edition:
  Swine flu vaccine running low in some municipalities (10.11.2009)
  Doctors urged to prescribe swine flu medicine also to patients not in risk groups (6.11.2009)

KIMMO OKSANEN / Helsingin Sanomat
kimmo.oksanen@hs.fi