"Fortunately we have a home country to come back to"
For the Malve family, the second coming was easier than the first
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By Johanna Pohjola
Tarja Malve, 49, knows that coming back from an overseas assignment is often harder for the spouse who is giving up his or her job in the host country.
When the Malve family came back from Singapore in 1994, it took a year before Tarja Malve could find herself a job in recession-rocked Finland.
They had had to move home in something of a rush, and there was an acheing after life in Singapore.
"For quite a long time, I couldn’t even look at the photographs that had been taken in Singapore. Feelings would just well up inside. I was only able to release the tension and hit the reset button after I’d been able to go back there for a trip.”
Last January was another time for farewells.
The family left China after a six-year stint working there.
Now at least the return was softened by a ready-made home in Finland.
“The main thing that causes stress in all this is being unemployed, and a return always requires its own grieving period. That doesn’t mean that one would not dare to take off again. Fortunately we have a home country to come back to.”
The Malve children Marko, 17, and Patrik, 18, came back to Finland ahead of their parents: one went into upper secondary school, the other into the army to do his national service.
After his spell in uniform, Patrik returned to China.
Marko Malve believes the toughest thing of all is not being able to share experiences with one’s friends.
“Some give you the impression that they want to hear about things you have seen and done, but when you start to tell them, you can see their interest drift out of the window.”
“At first it was difficult, too, that I hadn’t seen the same TV-shows or read the same magazines as the other kids my age. I couldn’t work out what they were talking about.”
The sense of lost social competence is a common one, particularly among young people, for whom time and fashions move fast.
The parents have come to an agreement that they will not talk about China spontaneously.
And yet keeping silent feels pretty rotten, says Tarja Malve.
“After Singapore, I noticed that a lot of people thought the things we were talking about were just us showing off - look where WE’VE been. This seemed sad to me, because it was really only everyday experiences, and the only difference was that they happened to us in a different country, that’s all.”
Antti Malve, 49, works for Fortum, and he acknowledges that having a secure job when going and when coming back does help to speed up the acclimatisation process.
The experience of having done it all before also makes life that much easier.
“When you’ve had the Returnee Blues once, there are no big surprises left in store next time around.”
Helsingin Sanomat / First published in print 7.4.2008
More on this subject:
 Many (not so) happy returns
MAKING THINGS EASIER: Prepare well in advance
FACTFILE: The 1980s were the big decade for returnees
A year in Paraguay and the changes it brought
Helsingin Sanomat
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